Note to Self

I love a good short cut. Correction, I need a good short cut, especially on those mornings when I am running late to get my daughter to school. This is most mornings. Such was the case on a recent anxiety-laden trip to school. My heart thumped in my chest in synch with the countdown to the tardy bell. My sweaty hands struggled to grip of the steering wheel as I maneuvered my way through the charming side streets of my shortcut route. If all went according to plan I would join the carpool line with time to spare. It turns out the white Prius in front of me did not agree to my plan. It paced in front of me at a leisure rate. In pure frustration I cried out, “Why are they going so slow?” I scoffed, “They’re probably going to coffee or yoga right now. Must be nice.” My daughter looked up from her Eggo waffle long enough to give me the adolescent eye roll salute. I was alone in my distress. Suddenly a student on his bicycle came into my side view. I now had to add extra caution to my

My friend’s daughter is training to be a lifeguard this summer. I’ve heard it’s quite common for someone who’s drowning to fight the lifeguard’s attempt to save them. Perhaps the person in distress is so caught up in the fight to survive that everything and everyone becomes an adversary- including the help they desperately need. This gets me thinking about my own struggles to come up for air at times. Life can hit like a tsunami or worry fills up around me like the deep end of a pool, sending me into a dog-paddle frenzy. I pray for deliverance, a reprieve from what feels like impending doom. What I’ve noticed in these overwhelming times is that salvation often comes in surprising ways. Faced with an unexpected lifeline I tend to wrestle with the help like a drowning person wrestles with their hero. I get so stuck in what I think the solution “should” look like that I reject the relief being offered. Unexpected remedies to some of my life’s biggest dilemmas have looked like: choosin